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 A funny chat on my gmail

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AuthorMessage
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Ace of Diamonds
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Number of posts : 123
Age : 25
Location : the earth i think
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Humor : the funny kind
Registration date : 2008-11-13

PostSubject: A funny chat on my gmail   Tue Dec 02, 2008 8:21 pm

enjoy
Yang: <Picard> "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your
attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you
been able to access their command pathways?"
<Geordi> "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching
through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."

<Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.

<Riker looks puzzled.> "What the hell is `Microsoft'?"

<Data turns to answer.> "Allow me to explain. We will send this
program, for some reason called `Windows', through the Borg command
pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming
system resources at an unstoppable rate."

<Picard> "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter
their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"

<Data> "Yes, Captain. But when `Windows' detects this, it creates a
new version of itself known as an `upgrade'. The use of resources
increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able
to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability
will be taken over and none will be available for their normal
operational functions."

<Picard> "Excellent work. This is even better than that `unsolvable
geometric shape' idea."

. . . 15 Minutes Later . . .

<Data> "Captain, we have successfully installed the `Windows' in the
Borg's command unit. As expected, it immediately consumed 85% of all
available resources. However, we have not received any confirmation of
the expected `upgrade'."

<Geordi> "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and
CPU capacity, but we still have no indication of an `upgrade' to
compensate for their increase."

<Picard> "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is
something we have missed."

<Data> "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the
`upgrade'. Apparently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan
by not sending in their registration cards."

<Riker> "Captain, we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin
emergency escape sequence 3F ...."

<Geordi, excited> "Wait, Captain! Their CPU capacity has suddenly
dropped to 0% !"

<Picard> "Data, what does your scanners show?"

<Data, studying displays> "Apparently the Borg have found the internal
`Windows' module named `Solitaire', and it has used up all available
CPU capacity."

<Picard> "Let's wait and see how long this `Solitaire' can reduce
their functionality."

. . . Two Hours Pass . . .

<Riker> "Geordi, what is the status of the Borg?"

<Geordi> "As expected, the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to
compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they
successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep space
monitor beacon to transmit more `Windows' modules from something
called the `Microsoft Fun-pack'.

<Picard> "How much time will that buy us?"

<Data> "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest
time span of 6 more hours."

<Geordi> "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."

<Picard> "Identify."

<Data> "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo..."

<Over the speakers> "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT
FLAGSHIP _MONOPOLY_. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED
SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY
TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS TO COMPLY."

<Data> "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and
released thousands of humanoid-shaped objects."

<Picard> "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft!"

<Riker> "My God, captain! Those are human beings floating straight
toward the Borg ship - with no life support suits! How can they
survive the tortures of deep space?!"

<Data> "I don't believe that those are humans, sir. If you will look
closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something
recognized by twenty-first century man as doeskin leather briefcases,
and wearing Armani suits."

<Riker and Picard, together - horrified> "Lawyers!!"

<Geordi> "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent
hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."

<Data> "True, but apparently some must have survived."

<Riker> "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with
all types of papers."

<Data> "I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as `red tape'.
It often proves fatal."

<Riker> "They're tearing the Borg to pieces!"

<Picard> "Turn the monitors off, Data, I cant bear to watch. Even the
Borg doesn't deserve such a gruesome death!"
me: and ripping people badly
5:28 PM n what
Yang: Read it
5:29 PM me: read
Yang: <Picard> "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your
attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you
been able to access their command pathways?"
<Geordi> "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching
through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."

<Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.

<Riker looks puzzled.> "What the hell is `Microsoft'?"

<Data turns to answer.> "Allow me to explain. We will send this
program, for some reason called `Windows', through the Borg command
pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming
system resources at an unstoppable rate."

<Picard> "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter
their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"

<Data> "Yes, Captain. But when `Windows' detects this, it creates a
new version of itself known as an `upgrade'. The use of resources
increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able
to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability
will be taken over and none will be available for their normal
operational functions."

<Picard> "Excellent work. This is even better than that `unsolvable
geometric shape' idea."

. . . 15 Minutes Later . . .

<Data> "Captain, we have successfully installed the `Windows' in the
Borg's command unit. As expected, it immediately consumed 85% of all
available resources. However, we have not received any confirmation of
the expected `upgrade'."

<Geordi> "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and
CPU capacity, but we still have no indication of an `upgrade' to
compensate for their increase."

<Picard> "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is
something we have missed."

<Data> "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the
`upgrade'. Apparently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan
by not sending in their registration cards."

<Riker> "Captain, we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin
emergency escape sequence 3F ...."

<Geordi, excited> "Wait, Captain! Their CPU capacity has suddenly
dropped to 0% !"

<Picard> "Data, what does your scanners show?"

<Data, studying displays> "Apparently the Borg have found the internal
`Windows' module named `Solitaire', and it has used up all available
CPU capacity."

<Picard> "Let's wait and see how long this `Solitaire' can reduce
their functionality."

. . . Two Hours Pass . . .

<Riker> "Geordi, what is the status of the Borg?"

<Geordi> "As expected, the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to
compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they
successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep space
monitor beacon to transmit more `Windows' modules from something
called the `Microsoft Fun-pack'.

<Picard> "How much time will that buy us?"

<Data> "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest
time span of 6 more hours."

<Geordi> "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."

<Picard> "Identify."

<Data> "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo..."

<Over the speakers> "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT
FLAGSHIP _MONOPOLY_. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED
SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY
TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS TO COMPLY."

<Data> "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and
released thousands of humanoid-shaped objects."

<Picard> "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft!"

<Riker> "My God, captain! Those are human beings floating straight
toward the Borg ship - with no life support suits! How can they
survive the tortures of deep space?!"

<Data> "I don't believe that those are humans, sir. If you will look
closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something
recognized by twenty-first century man as doeskin leather briefcases,
and wearing Armani suits."

<Riker and Picard, together - horrified> "Lawyers!!"

<Geordi> "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent
hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."

<Data> "True, but apparently some must have survived."

<Riker> "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with
all types of papers."

<Data> "I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as `red tape'.
It often proves fatal."

<Riker> "They're tearing the Borg to pieces!"

<Picard> "Turn the monitors off, Data, I cant bear to watch. Even the
Borg doesn't deserve such a gruesome death!"
me: read already
5:30 PM i might log into rs randomly when sid wants me to or when i am
00ber bored

_________________
"All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy."

"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt."

"If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style."
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Humor : the funny kind
Registration date : 2008-11-13

PostSubject: Re: A funny chat on my gmail   Tue Dec 02, 2008 8:23 pm

Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large
fries, and a diet coke!

Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the
pens to the counters.

Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in
the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages of eight.

Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the
process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning
'bloodsucking creatures'.

Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.


EVER WONDER ....

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?!

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid
made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why
don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
5:37 PM me: dunno
5:38 PM 2nd to last=true dat
5:40 PM Yang: A very wealthy man, old and desperately ill, summons to
his bedside his three closest advisors: his doctor, his priest, and
his lawyer. '-I know,-' he says, 'they say 'you can't take it with
you.' But who knows? Suppose they're mistaken. I'd like to have
something with me, just in case. So I am giving each of you an
envelope containing one hundred thousand dollars and I would be
grateful if at my funeral you would put the envelopes in my coffin, so
that if it turns out that it's useful, I'll have something.' They each
agree to carry out his wish. Sure enough, after just a few weeks, the
old man passes away. At his funeral, each of the three advisors is
seen slipping something into the coffin. After the burial, as the
three are walking away together, the doctor turns to the other two and
says, '-Friends, I have a confession to make. As you know, at the
hospital we are desperate because of the cutbacks in funding. Our CAT
SCAN machine broke down and we haven't be able to get a new one. So, I
took $20,000 of our friend's money for a new CAT SCAN and put the rest
in the coffin as he asked.-'

At this the priest says, '-I, too have a confession to make. As you
know, our church is simply overwhelmed by the problem of the homeless.
The needs keep increasing and we have nowhere to turn. So I took
$50,000 from the envelope for our homeless fund and put the rest in
the coffin as our friend requested.-'

Fixing the other two in his gaze, the lawyer says '-I am astonished
and deeply disappointed that you would treat so casually our solemn
undertaking to our friend. I want you to know that I placed in his
coffin my personal check for the full one hundred thousand dollars.-'
5:42 PM me: lol
smart lawyer
5:45 PM The Paratrooper
A paratrooper was scared to jump. His instructor told him, "If
anything goes wrong, say, `Buddha oh Buddha' and you will be saved."
The paratrooper got so scared that he forgot to pull his rip cord. So
he said, "Buddha oh Buddha," and a hand came out and saved him.

He said, "Thank God," and he was dropped.
5:46 PM Walking on water
Three monks decided to practise meditation together. they sat by the
side of a lake and closed their eyes in concentration. Then suddenly,
the first one stood up and said, "I forgot my mat." He steeped
miraculously onto the water in front of him and walked across the lake
to their hut on the other side.
When he returned, the second monk stood up and said, "I forgot to put
my the other underwear to dry." He too walked calmly across the water
and returned the same way. The third monk watched the first two
carefully in what he decided must be the test of his own abilities.
"Is your learning so superior to mine? I too can match any feat you
two can perform," he declared loudly and rushed to the water's edge to
walk across it. He promptly fell into the deep water.

Undeterred, the yogi climbed out of the water and tried again, only to
sink into the water. Yet again he climbed out and yet again he tried,
each time sinking into the water. This went on for some time as the
other two monks watched.

After a while, the second monk turned to the first and said, "Do you
think we should tell him where the stones are?"
Yang: Early one morning, God and Satan were walking along a country
road discussing theology. Actually, Satan was doing most of the
talking. God had been through this many time, and so He didn't really
see any point in wasting his breath. In order to transmit the
Teaching, the timing must right and the other must be receptive.

All of the sudden God rushed ahead. Something had caught his eye and
he stooped low to pick it up from the dirt by the wayside. Huffing and
puffing, not being nearly in such good shape, Satan finally caught up
with Him. And there he saw God standing, holding something gently,
like a fragile bird in His hands – but which was more radiant than the
sun.

"What have you got there?"

God fixed his eye on him and said slowly: "This is Truth."

"Here, b-b-boss, let me have that. And I-I-I'll organise it for you!"
5:47 PM me: whats so funny 'bout that?
5:48 PM Yang: Religious joke
Meh
me: like my 2?
Yang: Yep
One day, Satan walked up to Jesus and said "Hey Jesus, I bet I can
use a computer fast than you"

Jesus said "We will have a contest to choose the winner. My Father
will judge it."

God said "Whoever can do the most work in 10 minutes wins. GO!"

Immediatly Jesus and the Devil start working. They staring doing
presentations and writing documents and surfin the web and all kinds
of stuff. About 9 minutes in, there is a power lose and both computers
shutdown. They reboot and they start working again. When the 10
minutes are up, God said "Jesus is the winner."

The devil starts throwing a fit. "Thats not fair! The power went out
and all my work was lost!'

God said "Sorry Satan, but Jesus saves"
5:49 PM That was based on a real-life event. Some guy was viewing a
picture called Jesus.jpg on his cellphone. He wanted to exit and it
told him "Jesus not saved. Save now?".
me: lol
how traumatic
5:51 PM Yang: A paratrooper was scared to jump. His instructor told
him, "If anything goes wrong, say, `Buddha oh Buddha' and you will be
saved."
The paratrooper got so scared that he forgot to pull his rip cord. So
he said, "Buddha oh Buddha," and a hand came out and saved him.

He said, "Thank God," and he was dropped.

Wait
Wrong link
http://www.modelboatmayhem.co.uk/Common/Images_Jokes/toiletstolen.jpg
me: http://www.serve.com/cmtan/buddhism/Lighter/shortstories.html
5:53 PM Yang: I have a question
If computer capacities had gotten way higher
me: what
Yang: why don't you install windows 98 on a brand new computer
and run classic games on it
It'd be HAXX
5:54 PM me: ...sorta stupid question, windows XP is much better, 98
can't really run the newest crap.
Yang: ...
Think about it
those apps run on a computer with 2MB of RAM
now we have 2GB rams
5:55 PM old applications run...1k times better?
me: so why switch to 98?
Yang: The Man From Microsoft

There was a knock on the door. It was the man from Microsoft.
"Not you again," I said.

"Sorry," he said, a little sheepishly. "I guess you know why I'm here."

Indeed I did. Microsoft's $300 million campaign to promote the Windows
95 operating system was meant to be universally effective, to convince
every human being on the planet that Windows 95 was an essential, some
would say integral, part of living. Problem was, not everyone had
bought it. Specifically, I hadn't bought it. I was the Last Human
Being Without Windows 95. And now this little man from Microsoft was
at my door, and he wouldn't take no for an answer.

"No," I said.

"You know I can't take that," he said, pulling out a copy of Windows
95 from a briefcase. "Come on. Just one copy. That's all we ask."

"Not interested." I said. "Look, isn't there someone else you can go
bother for a while? There's got to be someone else on the planet who
doesn't have a copy."

"Well, no," The Microsoft man said. "You're the only one."

"You can't be serious. Not everyone on the planet has a computer," I
said. "Hell, not everyone on the planet has a PC! Some people own
Macintoshes, which run their own operating system. And some people who
have PCs run OS/2, though I hear that's just a rumor. In short, there
are some people who just have no use for Windows 95."

The Microsoft man look perplexed. "I'm missing your point," he said.

"Use!" I screamed. "Use! Use! Use! Why BUY it, if you can't USE it?"

"Well, I don't know anything about this 'use' thing you're going on
about," The Microsoft man said. "All I know is that according to our
records, everyone else on the planet has a copy."

"People without computers?"

"Got 'em."

"Amazonian Indians?"

"We had to get some malaria shots to go in, but yes."

"The Amish."

"Check."

"Oh, come on," I said. "They don't even wear BUTTONS. How did you get
them to buy a computer operating system?"

"We told them there were actually 95 very small windows in the box,"
the Microsoft man admitted. "We sort of lied. Which means we are all
going to Hell, every single employee of Microsoft." He was somber for
a minute, but then perked right up. "But that's not the point!" he
said. "The point is, EVERYONE has a copy. Except you."

"So what?" I said. "If everyone else jumped off a cliff, would you
expect me to do it, too?"

"If we spent $300 million advertising it? Absolutely."

"No."

"Jeez, back to that again," the Microsoft man said. "Hey. I'll tell
you what. I'll GIVE you a copy. For free. Just take it and install it
on your computer." He waved the box in front of me.

"No," I said again. "No offense, pal. But I don't need it. And
frankly, your whole advertising blitz has sort of offended me. I mean,
it's a computer operating system! Great. Fine. Swell. Whatever. But
you guys are advertising it like it creates world peace or something."

"It did."

"Pardon?"

"World peace. It was part of the original design. Really. One button
access. Click on it, poof, end to strife and hunger. Simple."

"So what happened?"

"Well, you know," he said. "It took up a lot of space on the hard
drive. We had to decide between it or the Microsoft Network. Anyway,
we couldn't figure out how to make a profit off of world peace."

"Go away," I said.

"I can't," he said. "I'll be killed if I fail."

"You have got to be kidding," I said.

"Look," the Microsoft man said, "We sold this to the AMISH. The Amish!
Right now, they're opening the boxes and figuring out they've been
had. We'll be pitchforked if we ever step into Western Pennsyvania
again. But we did it. So to have YOU holding out, well, it's
embarassing. It's embarassing to the company. It's embarassing to the
product. It's embarassing to BILL."

"Bill Gates does not care about me," I said.

"He's watching right now," the Microsoft man said. "Borrowed one of
those military spy satellites just for the purpose. It's also got one
of those high-powered lasers. You close that door on me, zap, I'm a
pile of grey ash."

"He wouldn't do that," I said, "He might hit that copy of Windows 95
by accident."

"Oh, Bill's gotten pretty good with that laser," the Microsoft man
said, nervously. "Okay. I wasn't supposed to do this, but you leave me
no choice. If you take this copy of Windows 95, we will reward you
handsomely. In fact, we'll give you your own Caribbean island! How
does Montserrat sound?"

"Terrible. There's an active volcano there."

"It's only a small one," the Microsoft man said.

"Look," I said, "even if you DID convince me to take that copy of
Windows 95, what would you do then? You'd have totally saturated the
market. That would be it. No new worlds to conquer. What would you do
then?"

The Microsoft man held up another box and gave it to me.

"'Windows 95....For Pets'?!?!?"

"There's a LOT of domestic animals out there," he said.

I shut the door quickly. There was a surprised yelp, the sound of a
laser, and then nothing.
5:56 PM Uh, if you read the borg joke
You'd understand why
5:59 PM me: borg joke?
Yang: The first one I sent you
you said you saw it already
6:00 PM me: oh the star trek one
Yang: It makes fun of windows
me: i no

_________________
"All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy."

"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt."

"If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style."
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Ace of Diamonds
Ace of Diamonds
avatar

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Number of posts : 123
Age : 25
Location : the earth i think
Job/hobbies : being me
Humor : the funny kind
Registration date : 2008-11-13

PostSubject: Re: A funny chat on my gmail   Tue Dec 02, 2008 8:23 pm

Yang: Try this
In the beginning there was the computer. And God said,

c:>Let there be light!

Enter user id.

c:>God

Enter password.

c:>Omniscient

Password incorrect. Try again.

c:>Omnipotent

Password incorrect. Try again.

c:>Technocrat

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.

c:>Let there be light!

Unrecognizable command. Try again.

c:>Create light

Done

c:>Run heaven and earth

And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors.

And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Monday, March 2.

c:>Let there be firmament in the midst of water and light

Unrecognizable command. Try again.

c:>Create firmament

Done.

c:>Run firmament

And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.

And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Monday, March 2.

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.

c:>Let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one place and
let the dry land appear and

Too many characters in specification string. Try again.

c:>Create dry_land

Done.

c:>Run firmament

And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.

And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.

c:>Create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the night

Unspecified type. Try again.

c:>Create sun_moon_stars

Done

c:>Run sun_moon_stars

And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.

And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.

c:>Create fish

Done

c:>Create fowl

Done

c:>Run fish, fowl

And God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that
creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and every winged
fowl after its kind. And God saw there were 0 errors.

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Friday, March 6.

c:>Create cattle

Done

c:>Create creepy_things

Done

c:>Now let us make man in our image

Unspecified type. Try again.

c:>Create man

Done

c:>Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it and
have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of the air
and over every living thing that creepeth upon the earth

Too many command operands. Try again.

c:>Run multiplication

Execution terminated. 6 errors.

c:>Insert breath

Done

c:>Run multiplication

Execution terminated. 5 errors.

c:>Move man to Garden of Eden

File Garden of Eden does not exist.

c:>Create Garden.edn

Done

c:>Move man to Garden.edn

Done

c:>Run multiplication

Execution terminated. 4 errors.

c:>Copy woman from man

Done

c:>Run multiplication

Execution terminated. 2 errors.

c:>Create desire

Done

c:>Run multiplication

And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn

Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.

c:>Create freewill

Done

c:>Run freewill

And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn

Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.

c:>Undo desire

Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.

c:>Destroy freewill

Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.

c:>Help

Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.

c:>Create tree_of_knowledge

And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn

Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.

c:>Create good, evil

Done

c:>Activate evil

And God saw he had created shame.

Warning system error in sector E95.
Man and woman not in Garden.edn. 1 errors.

c:>Scan Garden.edn for man, woman

Search failed.

c:>Delete shame

Shame cannot be deleted once evil has been activated.

c:>Destroy freewill

Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.

c:>Stop

Unrecognizable command. Try again

c:>Break

c:>Break

c:>Break

ATTENTION ALL USERS ** ATTENTION ALL USERS: COMPUTER GOING DOWN FOR
REGULAR DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND REST IN FIVE MINUTES. PLEASE LOG OFF.

c:>Create new world

You have exceeded your allocated file space.
You must destroy old files before new ones can be created.

c:>Destroy earth

Destroy earth: Please confirm.

c:>Destroy earth confirmed

COMPUTER DOWN ** COMPUTER DOWN. SERVICES WILL RESUME SUNDAY, MARCH 8 AT 6:00 AM.
YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW.

And God logged off at 11:59:59 PM, Friday, March 6.

12:00:01 AM, Sunday, March 8 God created Macintosh.
6:02 PM me: didn't get the last part
Yang: You read all of that this quickly?
me: yep
6:03 PM too repetitve
Yang: What's brown and sticky?
me: ur mom
jk
uhhh chocolate
Yang: a stick...
me: ... i have seen white trees before...
Yang: Ugh
I know
Still
...
6:04 PM me: ...
6:06 PM Yang: These two guys were approaching the first tee. The first
guy goes into his golf bag to get a ball and says to his friend, "Hey,
why don't you try this ball.'' He draws a green golfball out of his
bag. "You can't lose it.''

His friend replies, "What do you mean you can't lose it?!!''

The first man replies, "I'm serious, you can't lose it. If you hit it
into the woods, it makes a beeping sound, if you hit it into the water
it produces bubbles, and if you hit it on the fairway, smoke comes up
in order for you to find it.''

Obviously, his friend doesn't believe him, but he shows him all the
possibilities until he is convinced.

The friend says, "Wow! That's incredible! Where did you get that ball!''

The man replies, "I found it.''
6:07 PM me: XD
6:08 PM Teacher: name five animals at the north pole
Student: 3 polar bears and 2 seals
Yang: I don't get it...
me: ...student was supposed to interpret it as five different animals
at the north pole
6:09 PM Yang: Oh.
me: name two coins that make 30cents, one is not a quarter and the
other is not a nickel
6:10 PM Yang: A nickel and a quarter
me: damn u got it...
6:11 PM Yang: A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday
when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's
electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the
helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a
handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's
sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a
large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE
IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to
steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the
"YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position in
Seatle.

The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building
because, similar to their help-lines, they gave me a technically
correct but completely useless answer."
6:12 PM me: XD
Yang: We teach our kids very thoroughly. Here is their honest
understanding of the Ten Commandments:

"You shouldn't lie." (Halvor, 6 years)
"You shouldn't steal from poor people if they're watching." (Frida, 6 years)
"You should temper your grandma so she gets to heaven." (Caroline, 7 years)
"Thou shalt not be a bully." (Halvor, 6 years)
"You mustn't covet your wife or other working people." (Christian, 9 years)
"Thou shalt not kill time." (Karina, 7 years)
"You should keep your neighbour as yourself." (Runa, 8 years)
"A little pile can topple a big load." (Christian, 8 years)
"You shouldn't hit anyone unless you really have to." (Henriette, 7 years)
"You should listen to your mother – and pay real careful attention to
the tone of her voice." (Thomas André, 7 years)
6:14 PM Politically correct Season's Greetings!
.
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit my best wishes
for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress,
non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice
holiday, practiced, within the most enjoyable traditions of the
religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your
choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or
traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or
secular traditions at all, and a fiscally successful, personally
fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of
the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect
for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to
society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is
necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in
the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color,
age, physical ability, religious faith, sexual preference, or choice
of computer platform of the wishee.
6:15 PM me: ...
lame
6:16 PM Yang: A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a
house: "Dog For Sale"

He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when
I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government; so I told the
CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from
country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders.
Since no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping, I was one of their
most valuable spies for eight years running."

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't
getting any younger so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job
at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering
near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some
incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married,
had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired,"

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars"

The guy says, "this dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him
so cheaply?"

"Because he's a liar. He didn't do any of that."
6:19 PM me: A Korean person is visiting New York City. He sees the
Empire State Building and comes out. A thug asks him "How many floors
did you see?" the korean answers "50". "That'll be $50" the thug says.
The Korean pays the money. Later he tells his friends about the
ordeal. His friend tells him that he got ripped off. The Korean
responds "Ahhh but the jokes on him! I actually saw the whole
building!"
6:20 PM Yang: Nice
6:25 PM me: 1. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
2. I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually
it came back to me.
duncan - Victoria, BC
3. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's
all right now.
4. He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
5. There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said
'Keep off the Grass'.
Dave H - Hayward CA
6. Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
7. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
8. The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind
in his work.
9. Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them
was a-salted.
10. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
6:26 PM 11. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a
hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse
said 'No change yet'.
12. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.
13. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
14. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
15. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it
let out a little whine.
16. Old doctors never die they just lose their patience.
17. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
18. A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the
end of his sentence.
19. We were so poor when I was growing up we couldn't even afford to
pay attention.
20. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
6:28 PM 21. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
22. He didn't tell his mother that he ate some glue. His lips were sealed.
23. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
24. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
25. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are
looking into it.
26. The Buddhist refused pain-killers during the root canal because he
wanted to transcend dental medication.
27. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island but it turned
out to be an optical Aleutian.
28. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
Blownapart.
29. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't
have the balls to do it.
reif - hawaii
30. I've been to the dentist several times so I know the drill.

_________________
"All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy."

"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt."

"If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style."
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